


A Little Unsteady

by Blue M Hart (ThePreciousHeart)



Category: Grand Theft Auto IV
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Awkward Sexual Situations, Canon Dialogue, Complicated Relationships, Dating, F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Foreplay, Insecurity, Loss of Virginity, Mutual Masturbation, Nervousness, Porn with Feelings, Self Confidence Issues, Trust Issues, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-08
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:15:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24575911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThePreciousHeart/pseuds/Blue%20M%20Hart
Summary: After months of denying her feelings, Kate McReary has finally started dating Niko Bellic. However, when she agrees to sleep with him, it becomes clear that they have a bridge to cross before becoming intimate.
Relationships: Niko Bellic/Kate McReary
Comments: 14
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> To put this as delicately as possible: much like Kate McReary, I have complicated mixed feelings about the value of romantic relationships and therefore have absolutely zero experience to write from. (Hm, three guesses why Kate is my go-to GTA character- can you say “projection?”) There are a lot of pretty words here about romance and dating, but I can’t guarantee it will ring true for anyone. Plus, don’t come in here expecting a sex ed course, either. This is “porn with feelings” that’s light on the porn, heavy on the feelings. If it actually turns you on, I congratulate you. 
> 
> This is something of a sequel to my previous work, Dance Along the Edge. 
> 
> Titled is shared with a song I've written about the same subject (sort of).

_I'm just a little unstable_

_A little unsteady_

_I'm insatiable, but I know I'm not ready_

_I know you'd never hurt me, but I'm scared to decline_

_I'd say I'm indecisive, but I can't make up my mind_

Niko was late. He’d promised to swing by the community center after Kate had finished her shift, but here Kate was, standing beneath the awning with her eyes fixed to the street, wondering which car he’d show up in today. Was his tardiness an omen for their outing to come? It wasn’t something on which Kate wanted to dwell. She leaned against the building with her arms crossed over her chest, trying her best to ignore the anxiety growing in the pit of her stomach. Though she and Niko had been out together before, tonight’s expectations hung like an executioner’s blade above Kate’s neck. None of their previous dates had ended in the loss of Kate’s virginity.

They hadn’t specifically planned it, mind. Kate hardly considered herself the suavest person around, but mapping out a certain time and place to first have sex struck her as painfully awkward. Rather, on her last date with Niko, she’d admitted that she was ready. Every night Kate had spent with Niko since confessing her feelings ended with a kiss, but on that particular night, the kissing hadn’t stopped. Parked outside her family’s house, streetlights illuminating the car’s interior, Kate had surrendered to Niko, her hands curling around his neck and pulling him close. His gentility made it hard to imagine that he’d ever killed men in cold blood. Hands that had once held a gun now squeezed her in a soft caress. Then, as the kiss went further, they tentatively worked their way to Kate’s chest.

What tripped Kate up wasn’t the fact that they were out in public, with plenty of passersby free to rubberneck at their necking. Nor did she even consider that her mother or brothers might be watching from the house. Instead, what stopped Kate was her inability _to_ stop. The wind swept away her caution as she grabbed at Niko, aching to feel him _everywhere._ But even as he satisfied her desire, sliding his hands under her blouse, a wave of second thoughts intruded. This wasn’t _like_ Kate, who could hardly close the door behind her every morning without second-guessing her actions a thousand times. What did she think she was doing, giving in to Niko so easily?

With difficulty, Kate managed to break off the kiss and dizzily meet Niko’s glowing eyes. “Niko…”

Niko pulled away. His hands still rested on Kate’s torso, but his eyes were awash in concern. The beauty of his expression made it difficult for Kate to catch her breath, but she pulled herself together.

“What is it, Kate?”

Biting her lower lip, Kate had fought the urge to glance away from Niko. She had a feeling he already knew, but since they’d never discussed it, she felt the need to lay the matter in the open. “You know I’m a virgin?”

Immediately Niko withdrew his hands, his gaze never once leaving Kate’s face. “If this is too much, I apologize.”

“No, no.” Kate reached out, her fingers tangling around Niko’s. “I’m just saying, Niko… I held out for years before I started seeing you. I’ve never let anyone touch me the way you do. I’ve never…” Unable to verbalize the emotions swirling through her head, Kate squeezed Niko’s hand and glanced over at her home’s front stoop. The inevitable questions arose– _Do I want this? Is this the right time?_ Deep inside, she felt she knew the answer.

“What I mean to say is, you’re my first _everything_ , Niko.” Kate smiled and grazed Niko’s scruffy cheek with her fingertips. “I want you to be the first man I sleep with. Just not tonight. But soon.”

Niko had nodded, and Kate had marveled at the gesture. The ease with which Niko accepted her wishes never failed to astound her. Over the last couple months, before Kate had realized that denying her feelings was causing her more harm than good, Niko had never pressed her for more than she was willing to give. She never could have dreamed that a criminal to whom her brothers had introduced her would turn out to be so respectful.

“Soon,” Niko agreed, matching Kate’s smile. He tilted Kate’s head and pulled her back in for a parting kiss.

Kate emerged from the memory as Niko appeared at the curb, behind the wheel of a station wagon. She expected a flutter of nerves to shoot through her, but the sight only excited her. _Not that there’s much of a difference_. Excitement and nervousness were merely two opposing poles of the same magnet.

_No turning back_ , Kate mouthed as she approached the car, before correcting herself. There was _always_ time to turn back. Wasn’t that the whole point? Just because Kate had agreed to share a bed with Niko, didn’t mean that she couldn’t change her mind. She would have steered clear of Niko entirely had she not trusted he would honor her choices.

“Hey you,” Kate declared as she crept into the comforting warmth of Niko’s car. The usual pang of self-consciousness went through her as she appraised Niko’s appearance. Ever since their regular outings had become official dates, Kate had felt she ought to do more to look good in front of him. Surely she could at least bring a change of clothes with her, to prevent her coworkers from commenting on her dressiness. Niko had never offered an unprompted critique of Kate’s outfits, but as Kate took in the sight of him, her insecurity returned in full force. Something looked different about him. Both his head and chin were freshly buzzed, and he wore a nice, unwrinkled dress jacket. Peering downward, Kate noticed that his pants matched it, and her throat momentarily tightened. Where were they _going_ tonight? What kind of venue did Niko have in mind?

“Hello, Kate.” A faint but delighted smile played at the edges of Niko’s lips as he moved to kiss her. His obvious joy was another change that had come about once their relationship turned romantic, and it was one that Kate usually relished. Knowing how much Niko had suffered throughout his life, and witnessing his initial reservation and dismissiveness towards her firsthand, it made Kate happy to see Niko happy. But sometimes the change was daunting. It implied that Kate alone was responsible for this man’s well-being. _That’s an awful lot of power to wield._

Niko merged into traffic, while Kate settled into her seat, drawing her purse across her knees. She watched as Niko’s eyes flickered from the rearview mirror to her face. “How was work?”

Kate shrugged. “Loads of fun. My coworkers are a bunch of busybodies who care about everyone but themselves, and our patrons are so small-minded, they _only_ care about themselves.”

Niko chuckled endearingly, with what Kate hoped was fondness. “Come on. If it is that bad, why are you still working there?”

Kate sighed. “I guess I shouldn’t complain too much. I mean, it’s a job. I’m making money. And we help people, at the community center. As far as jobs go, I could be doing a lot worse.”

“That’s the spirit,” Niko said, and Kate smiled. Watching the gray clouds gathering overhead, she wondered when the first droplets would fall. Part of her felt so comfortable just sitting beside Niko that she couldn’t imagine doing anything else. But another part of her was anxious to broach the subject of tonight’s plans.

“So where are you taking me this time?” Kate said brightly.

In response, Niko patted his jacket pocket, drawing Kate’s gaze. “I got tickets for us to see a show.” Though he spoke the words as easily as breathing, his voice carried an undercurrent of uncertainty. Kate wasn’t surprised, given that she had never expressed interest in going to see a show with Niko. To ease his tension, she laughed.

“I wouldn’t have expected a tough guy like you to be a fan of musicals.”

“Packie said the same thing,” Niko declared. Kate’s amusement deepened. “You saw a show with Packie? He must really like you.”

“No. More like I like him,” Niko chuckled. His eyes sparkled. “I would not pay to see a bunch of actors breaking out constantly in song. That is why we’re seeing a play tonight.”

Though Kate didn’t have much of an opinion on plays, she nodded approvingly. “Sounds like a good time.” As long as she was with Niko, it would be.

Up ahead, the stoplight turned red, causing Niko to gradually brake. Kate glanced towards the sideview mirror, checking to make sure her hair wasn’t too frizzy. She felt like she should say something, anything, about what was to come tonight, but her tongue felt like lead in her mouth.

Eventually, Niko took matters into his own hands. “Tonight, after the play... would you like to come over, Kate?”

“Come over?” Kate repeated. Instantly she wanted to roll her eyes. _Don’t play dumb. You know what he’s asking_. But she still felt unable to tackle the subject head-on.

“To my apartment,” Niko clarified. Now that he’d said it, Kate noticed how tightly he was gripping the steering wheel. _He must be as nervous as I am_. The thought was oddly comforting.

“Sure,” she said quietly, trying not to sound too eager. “You haven’t taken me there before. I’d love to see it.”

Niko sucked in a quick breath. “Maybe you could… stay the night?”

_Ah_. There it was. Kate wondered why she hadn’t been able to just spit it out. _Well, it’s a delicate subject_. Pushing aside her apprehension, she reached over to lay her hand on Niko’s arm, waiting for his eyes to leave the road so she could flash him a smile.

“Just don’t kiss and tell.”

Niko smiled back. “You know that is not my style.”

To have spent twenty-eight years in Liberty City without ever seeing a show at Star Junction was unthinkable to those who didn’t know Kate McReary very well. But Kate herself figured that Star Junction was for the tourists. She wasn’t about to save up money for two hours of live entertainment, when she could be buying a month’s worth of groceries and household supplies instead. It amused her to think that Packie had been to more shows than she had. _And I’m supposed to be the cultured one_.

As Niko parked near the theater, a newfound wave of inadequacy came over Kate. If only she’d known where they were going. She could have at least given her outfit some thought before heading out the door. Not all the theaters at Star Junction were as nice as this one. Fortunately, her appearance didn’t seem to bother anyone in the lobby, but Kate still felt out of place in her sweater and blouse.

The play that Niko had elected to see turned out to be one that Kate had read in high school. It would be interesting to compare the actors’ performances with the stilted deliveries of her classmates. Threading her arm through Niko’s, Kate made her way up the stairs and to the seats waiting for them in the balcony. They flipped through their playbills and chatted lightly for a few minutes, but the longer Kate sat there, the more she began to dwell on Niko’s invitation to his apartment. How could Niko sit there so patiently, acting like he had no care in the world? Wiping away the sweat that had formed on her forehead, Kate forced her thoughts out of her mind.

As the theater darkened and the actors took their places, Kate continued to try to forget her anxieties. However, the play hardly captured her attention. It was a dialogue-heavy work, featuring a minimal cast and full of wordplay that generally elicited little more than a dry chuckle. Soon Kate’s mind strayed, first to Niko and whether he was enjoying the performance. She wondered if his lack of laughter was due to misunderstanding the jokes, or if he simply didn’t care for the humor. But in no time, Kate’s thoughts returned to where they’d started– the promise of the night to come. She couldn’t say she was having second thoughts, exactly, because she was still looking forward to joining Niko at his apartment. But why, oh _why_ had he taken her to the theater first? Knowing what was going to happen later made it impossible to settle in and relax. They’d hardly spoken on the way to the theater, for chrissakes, how were they going to…

By the time intermission rolled around, Kate couldn’t recall a single detail of the first act. She elected to stay silent should Niko comment on the play, having never been one to lie about her feelings. However, when he spoke, it had nothing to do with the play whatsoever.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

Kate started as if she hadn’t been expecting him to speak, though she’d known full well that he would. “What? And miss the second act?”

“Yes.” As Niko carefully studied Kate’s face, she began to worry that he could see straight through her. _But why do I have to worry? Isn’t it important in a relationship to be honest?_ “It would not be a big loss.”

Though Niko had articulated Kate’s thoughts exactly, a rush of guilt stole over her. Here she was ignoring these actors performing their hearts out onstage. And more pressingly, this was Niko’s special gift to her. Who knew how much those tickets had cost? To walk out now would be to turn down a valuable sign of his affection.

“I don’t know if we should,” Kate responded.

Niko scoffed. “Come on. You cannot tell me you’re enjoying yourself.”

The remark rubbed Kate the wrong way, though she wasn’t sure why. Her words emerged sharply. “Why? You think it’s that bad?”

“No, but I saw the look on your face,” Niko replied.

Despite Niko’s nonchalance, Kate still felt agitated. _Where’d he learn to read me so well?_ She reached down to grab her purse. “Fine. Let’s get out of here.” She readied herself to stand up, but Niko touched her arm. His hypnotic eyes bore into hers, deflating all her restless energy.

“Do you still want to come back to my apartment?”

Flustered, Kate shook off Niko’s touch. “I said I would, Niko, remember?”

Almost immediately, Kate was sure that she’d been too harsh, but Niko didn’t complain. He simply folded his hands in his lap. “Hey.” His voice was stern.“No one is forcing you into this. If you want to be dropped off at home, that is fine too.”

Taking a deep breath, Kate tried to sort out her desires. She did, in fact, want to get out of the theater. But she wasn’t entirely sure where to go from there. Having banked her hopes on spending the night with Niko, it flustered Kate to re-orient herself. She soon realized that she did want to go to Niko's apartment after all. The fact that he’d offered to take her home opened her to a new level of respect. So many times throughout her life she’d been expected to shut her mouth and follow the path of least resistance. So many times had men like Niko, like her brothers, convinced her that their way was the best.

_What did I do to deserve someone who cares about me this much…_

“I’d like to come home with you, Niko,” Kate said shyly.

At once Niko’s face mellowed. “Great.” He stood up, and Kate did the same. “We can read the reviews later.”

Laughing, Kate took Niko’s hand and followed him down from the balcony, her anxiety easing with every step.

***

Niko’s apartment wasn’t quite what Kate had expected. The graffitied staircase and loud music blaring throughout the building conjured an air of low rent and high stress, so Kate was thoroughly surprised when Niko unlocked his door to reveal a well-kept, stylish penthouse. _Stylish_ was selling it short, really. The main room was massive and spotless, as if Niko had only just bought the apartment that day. The wall Kate was facing was mainly windows, closing off an immense balcony that overlooked the city’s nightlife. The room’s centerpiece was the sectional couch set up in front of a giant flat-screen TV. _Perfect for a partygoer, not so much for a man who lives alone._ Behind the couch was a pool table, but Kate didn’t spot any balls or cues. Pity– she could have used a fun game to take her mind off tonight’s concerns. Words like _hip_ and _swinging_ danced through Kate’s mind as she drank in the sight. How the hell had Niko managed to secure a place like this?

Niko cleared his throat, reminding Kate that she was expected to say something. She folded her arms and smirked to hide her bewilderment at the high-class pad. “I guess crime pays well?”

“It did,” Niko replied. “But I’d take you over that kind of life any day. You’re worth more than what those slimeballs were paying me.”

_That’s sweet_ , Kate wanted to tease Niko, but he’d sounded so sincere that she didn’t have the heart. She wandered over to examine the couch, while Niko headed for a nearby counter that Kate hadn’t spotted. “Would you like something to drink?”

“Would I!” Kate exclaimed. “What have you got?”

“Vodka.” Niko held up the bottle, and Kate shrugged. Niko’s drink of choice was not her own, but she figured that alcohol would steady her. “A little one wouldn’t hurt.”

“Sit down.” Niko opened a cupboard and removed two glasses. “Make yourself at home.”

Nodding, Kate folded her legs beneath her on the slightly-scratchy couch. Now that the sense of shock was wearing off, her nerves were returning full force. Though Kate felt she’d made her intentions for tonight clear, she could only hope that Niko had picked up on her signals. Maybe he’d misunderstood her? Was tonight going to be the night after all?

Niko returned shortly to Kate’s side, offering a tumbler of vodka. She thanked him as she took it from his hand. The gentle smile on his usually-so-reserved face endeared her. _Forget what’s happening later, it’s worth it just to see him._ In unison, they sipped from their glasses.

When Kate set her tumbler down, she attempted to strike the right tone of seduction. “So, Niko.” Was this how it worked? She’d never had to practice such a thing. “Aren’t you going to give me the grand tour?”

Apparently Niko picked up on Kate’s intentions immediately, because he replied in a playful voice that always weakened her knees. “There is not much else to see… unless you’re interested in the bedroom.”

“Well… if you insist…”

“All right.” Setting his drink down, Niko got up from the couch. He headed away from the main room, Kate trailing behind him like a lost puppy.

“Here is where I spend each night.” Niko flipped a switch on the wall, throwing the room into illumination. Just like the main room, the bedroom was open and modestly-furnished. Aside from the brick walls and the closet doors, there wasn’t much to see, but Kate didn’t need to take in the view for long. Her eyes zeroed in on the tucked-in bedcovers and stayed there.

“What do you think, Kate?” Kate hadn’t realized that she’d been holding her breath until Niko stepped before her, his hands clasped together. “Does it… pass your inspection?”

“Yes,” Kate mumbled, trying not to look down at her feet. Every clever remark died in her mouth, her flirtatiousness extinguished. All she wanted was to touch Niko, to hold him in her arms. She stepped forward, reaching for him.

Niko caught Kate and pulled her close, his arms encircling her as if she’d been born to fit in them. He brushed a loose wisp of hair behind her ear, gently cradling her face. Kaye savored the moment for as long as she could, holding Niko’s liquid gaze, before leaning in. Their lips met in an intense kiss that Kate never wanted to end. At first, anyway.

It happened quickly, just as it had in the car on their last date. One instant Kate was wrapped in Niko’s embrace, her lips locked on his, and the next… she was up in flames, tied to a burning stake. Niko’s touch ignited her, excited her, causing her to tremble from head to toe and begging her to _keep going_. _Harder. Deeper. More. More…_

_Stop_. Overwhelmed, Kate pulled away from Niko, though she didn’t let go of him. Struggling to catch her breath, she laid her head against Niko’s forehead and willed her rational side at which she’d once scoffed to return. This... this couldn’t happen so _fast._ What was it about Niko that transformed the cautiousness with which Kate conducted every matter of ordinary business into such _eagerness?_ As badly as she wanted to resume what had just begun, her lack of self-control frightened her. Her body moved outside of her own will and boundaries.

Terror swamped Kate. She _wanted_ to sleep with Niko, to put herself in his hands, but if her body reacted this way... _How can I trust him if I don’t trust myself?_

“Niko...” Even the sound of Kate’s own voice startled her. Who was that woman, gasping her lover’s name as if she were falling apart at the seams? As if she was prepared? She _wasn’t_ prepared...

“Kate.” Though Niko sounded much more composed than Kate, she still sensed his arousal in his words. Folding his hand around hers, he spoke as if Kate were the only person who mattered in the world. “Are you okay?”

The emotions churning through Kate were too powerful to verbalize, so she gave a minute nod. Niko pressed Kate close, his stubble scratching her cheek.

“Say it,” he murmured. “I need to hear it.”

The words felt clumsy and foreign in Kate’s mouth, but the desire turned her shyness to ash. “Make love to me, Niko.”

She felt Niko’s nod in the crook of her neck. His hands moved slowly against her body, sliding down to her hips. A powerful tremor went through Kate as he gripped her. Again their lips met, and this time, Kate succumbed. She grew more and more lightheaded the longer they kissed, leaning hard against Niko until he toppled over, pulling her onto the bed.

Lying on top of Niko, Kate was astonished to feel each breath so intimately. Their chests rose and fell together. She pulled herself up to stare into his deep, trusting eyes. Niko believed in her. Because of him, she believed in herself. Her hands once again moved at their own will, but this time Kate let them. Hastily she began to undo Niko’s shirt, popping each button until her fingers tangled in his hair. The instant Kate touched Niko’s skin, he froze. His hands returned to his sides as he propped himself up, staring intensely at Kate.

“What is it?” Kate’s breath was shaking, but the words escaped her without difficulty. “Did I do something—"

“No.” Slowly, the corners of Niko’s mouth twisted into a defiant smile. “Touch me again.”

Dying to feel his warmth against her, Kate complied. One hand cupped his jaw, while the other pressed against his firm, toned chest. God, what was his workout regimen? He’d obviously been doing well for himself. Niko sighed against Kate’s hand, kissing her wrist, before leaning forward to meet her lips. As his tongue slipped inside her mouth, his hands slid beneath the thin fabric of her blouse. Now it was Kate’s turn to jolt, but nothing in the world could have dragged her away from Niko. His fingers were so sensitive against her skin, so strange and unnatural, yet warm and unusually soft. She wanted to melt like butter all over him, to turn into a puddle right there on his bed.

They pulled apart to breathe, but Niko’s hands stayed on her even as she pulled her blouse over her head and deftly unhooked her bra. In the dim light, Kate felt too exposed. Niko could see everything– the stretch marks lining her stomach, the roundness of her belly, the smallness of her breasts. She’d never considered herself _unattractive_ , exactly, but next to Niko’s firm body, she couldn’t imagine that she compared well. However, Niko appeared to be allured.

“May I... touch you there?” he murmured, a slight waver in his speech. _Not so stoic after all_.

“Yes.”

Without a word, Niko leaned in, bowing his head toward her breasts. A flush spread over Kate as he kissed one and then the other. She’d expected his hands, not his lips. But the contact was definitely welcome.

“Ah...” At a loss for expression, Kate clutched the back of Niko’s neck. “That feels... really good...”

“Good,” Niko whispered, hardly audible. He kissed Kate’s throat, causing her to shake with surprised pleasure. Then he tilted his head to appraise her, taking in every inch of her flesh. Kate sucked in a quick breath. She guessed vaguely that Niko was waiting for her to take the lead, but one overwhelming question ruled her mind.

“Niko…Tell me, and be honest.”

Niko rubbed his thumb reflexively across Kate’s shoulder blade. “I am always honest with you.”

Kate swept her hair behind her ear, a bolt of nerves shooting through her. “Am I… Do I really look… okay? To you, I mean…”

“You’re _beautiful_ ,” Niko answered immediately. He pressed a quick, close-mouthed kiss to her forehead, before settling back against the pillows. “Are you going to touch me now?”

“I– yes.” Flustered, Kate let her eyes roam the length of Niko’s body, observing the coarse, springy hair that covered his sculpted abs, the modest but well-defined muscles in his arms… and, as she looked downward, the slight bulge in his pants. A touch of red came to her cheeks. _Don’t be afraid. This is what you want_. She and Niko were both mature adults and there was no reason to act like a sheltered virgin around him. _Even if that’s what I am._

Carefully, Kate leaned in to kiss Niko, pressing a hand against his beating heart. Niko captured her hand in his, holding on tightly as if he feared they’d be ripped apart. When Kate’s fingers fled to his zipper, however, Niko returned the favor, proving that his motivation was lust, not fear. Automatically Kate leaned back, before Niko could get any further.

“Um—” Niko’s face dissolved in front of Kate, to be replaced with the image of the various Catholic school teachers she’d had over the years. _Keep your legs closed,_ they’d said. _Wait until you’re married,_ they’d said. _Don’t dress like that,_ they’d said. _You don’t want to advertise._ Of all the times for such memories to resurface. Try as Kate might to block them out, she quickly realized that she just couldn’t take such a step tonight. She cleared her throat. “Let me do it, okay Niko?”

“Okay.” Niko’s voice was low in the back of his throat. Kate realized he must be awfully patient to let her take it this slowly. But what if that patience broke? With trembling hands, Kate undid her zipper and first pulled off her pants, then her panties. The room’s warm air felt strangely pleasant between her bare thighs. From his vantage point, Niko’s breath stuttered in his throat.

“Kate.” A hunger filled his voice. “God, Kate. I—"

“Say it,” Kate instructed, flipping Niko’s demand back around. He groaned softly and came forward, cupping her face.

“I want to... make love to you, Kate.”

Kate kissed Niko with a smile. At last, her worries began to drain away. Niko accepted her just the way she was. Eagerly she helped him undress.

The few times Kate had seen a naked man were through no desire of her own– a flasher on the subway, her brothers changing behind doors they’d forgotten to lock. She wasn’t a fan of pornography, and was even prone to blushing when taking in nude sculptures at the art museum. All the same, once glance at Niko impressed her. He was, well… There was no delicate way to put it. He was _hung_. Kate wondered how she hadn’t noticed from the bulge in his pants.

“Go ahead,” Niko said, alarming Kate. Evidently she’d stared a second too long.

“What?”

Niko’s voice was soft. “Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“ _God_ , you’re _huge_!” Kate blurted. Immediately she covered her burning face with her hands. Niko’s disembodied laughter echoed fondly around her, drawing her from her pit of embarrassment.

“That’s what they’ve _all_ said.”

“All?” Kate repeated, looking up at Niko. Though she felt she knew Niko better than most of the people in her life, she realized that he’d never really spoken of his past romantic partners. She didn’t even know if he’d had any. Though Kate doubted he’d been single all his life. Not like her. Perhaps he hadn’t mentioned his experience out of modesty.

“This is not _my_ first time, you know,” Niko replied. “Though is first time in a while.”

“Not since you came to Liberty City?” Kate guessed, trying to be charitable.

She wasn’t prepared for Niko’s look of conflict. He shook his head in a sharp motion. “I met someone shortly after coming here. I— I trusted her, and— she betrayed me.”

_Oh_. Kate decided not to pry further. She reached out for Niko. “Let’s not talk about her, then.”

They connected easily, colliding in an open-mouthed kiss. A million feelings overloaded Kate. She was… she couldn’t believe this was happening. Niko was so damn _close_ to her. She could feel the scratch of his stubble, the reflexive bob of his Adam’s apple as he gulped and caught his breath, the various bumps along his flesh that marked the many enemies with whom he’d come into contact in the past. Niko, the mysterious European, had nothing to hide from her. His mind remained unreadable, but body and soul were offered forth to do what she liked with them. And the same went for her.

“Damn—” Niko’s voice broke the kiss, his hands pushing Kate back. He got up from the bed while Kate watched, not sure whether to be miffed. However, when she saw him grab the pack of condoms from the drawer in his bedside table, gratefulness surged through her. Careful Kate McReary had completely forgotten about such a thing. Somehow, Niko was proving himself to be more responsible than her.

“These are from Roman,” Niko said as he put on the condom. Kate wasn’t sure why he felt the need to explain. “As soon as I even mention a woman, he thinks we are going to… what is it you say here? Play ball?”

“I think you mean third base,” Kate said.

“Maybe.” At last Niko returned to Kate’s side. “Better safe than sorry.”

As they slid beneath the sheets, a fleeting thought occurred to Kate. _Is Niko enjoying this?_ Her thoughts were so scattered, and everything was moving so fast, she had no idea if she was doing this right. Did he like the way she was touching him? Did he like her hands running over his back, her lips pressed against his? Sure, he didn’t seem eager to go anywhere, but… Was it supposed to happen this way?

“Kate,” Niko half-moaned, his arms around her. _This is it. This is really it_. Carefully she stroked Niko’s cheek, trying not to notice how her hands were shaking. Already sweat was pouring down her face.

“Oh, Kate.” He was so _close_. “Let me in...”

“I…” She couldn’t breathe, her heart was hammering, she wanted it so badly but wait— what if she was doing this wrong—

“I want—"

_Was she enjoying this?_

The look in Niko’s eyes... she’d never seen anything like it. So protective, so trusting. So controlled. He wasn’t making a scene. He knew exactly what he was doing. And Kate didn’t.

“Niko—"

“Shhh.” Niko silenced Kate with a sweet kiss. Her eyes fluttered shut, her hands falling slack against Niko’s shoulders. Only for the pain to drive her eyes back open.

“Ugh!” The sound that came from Kate’s mouth was one she had never heard before, not from herself or anyone else. If the pain hadn’t been so bad, it would have served as sufficient distraction. Her grip on Niko’s shoulders became vice-like, her short nails digging into his skin.

“Ugh— _stop!”_

Kate’s cry was hoarse, but she got what she wished. Niko stopped moving, though he didn’t pull out of her.

“Sorry, sorry,” he murmured, his breath hot on Kate’s neck.

“Shit,” Kate muttered. “I should have brought lube…” Though she wasn’t sure it would have made much of a difference. Niko was— on top of her, _inside_ her, and at once it was too much. Her rigid body began to shake. Niko grew unbearably warm in her grip as the blood drained from her fingertips.

“You’re soaking,” Niko commented.

_Shit, really?_ Maybe the lube wasn’t the problem— maybe it was— Kate couldn’t seem to think straight. What did she want? What was happening?

Niko pulled out of Kate, and the relief that came over her was palpable. Before he could make another move, she blurted it out.

“Niko—" Kate grabbed at the back of Niko’s neck, and he froze. “Niko, I’m sorry. I don’t think I can do this…”

Instantly Niko moved to the side, freeing Kate from the prison he’d made of his arms and legs. She sat up, breathing hard and trying to prevent the deep knife of sorrow from slicing into her midsection. However, her efforts were in vain.

“I’m sorry.” Kate pressed her hands to her temples, blocking her view of Niko. _Don’t cry. Stupid to cry over this_. “I thought I was ready…”

“You’re very tense,” Niko observed. “It’s okay. You relax, we try again.”

“No.” Forcefully, Kate swallowed down the lump in her throat. _Don’t you dare make him feel worse than he already does_. “I’m so sorry, Niko. I just can’t—"

She broke off, struggling against the desire to slap herself in the face. Niko inched closer, his hands hovering aimlessly nearby.

“Is it all right if I—"

Guessing Niko’s intentions, Kate nodded, and Niko placed his hands on her shoulders. He began to work against the tension in her back, his thumbs reflexively rubbing the area where her spine and neck connected. The sense of static electricity fluttered through Kate, unknotting her insides. Though she felt awful, she leaned into the touch, and Nino pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“Maybe tonight was not the right time,” Niko murmured matter-of-factly. He didn’t sound resigned or disappointed, which somehow worsened Kate’s feelings.

_Soon. I told him “soon…”_

The despair leapt out in Kate’s words. “Tonight was supposed to be the night, Niko.”

“It’s okay.” Niko ran his fingers through Kate’s hair, which usually calmed her, but she couldn’t bring herself to enjoy it. “We don’t have to do anything if you’re not ready.”

“But I _am_ ready!” Kate erupted. “I mean… I…”

Suddenly Kate deflated. She wasn’t in the mood to have sex anymore. She was just tired and embarrassed and starting to worry about her family’s reaction when she dragged herself through the door later.

“I don’t know what I am,” she mumbled. Niko ceased rubbing her shoulders and slid his arms around her belly instead, pulling her close against his chest.

“First time is never easy,” Niko commented. “Take it from me. Or, if you get him drunk enough, take it from Roman.” His voice took on a dry quality. “He has plenty of horror stories to spill.”

Kate laughed, the humor unwinding her. Despite her shame, she found that she didn’t want to leave Niko’s arms. He cradled her gently, but not delicately– not as if he feared she’d fall apart, but as if he understood just how strong she was and wanted to protect her from anything that could break her. She lolled her head against his shoulder, her fingers tracing designs on his wrist.

“Is— is it all right if I stay for a bit?” Part of Kate felt like she shouldn’t ask, considering the night hadn’t exactly gone the way she’d hoped. Wanting to stay, but not sleep with Niko, felt like pressing her luck. However, the thought of getting out of bed now filled Kate with disappointment. She and Niko had just reached a new level of intimacy, and as awkward as it had been, it _meant s_ omething. She didn’t want to leave his warm embrace.

“Of course,” Niko replied. A sultry note entered his voice. “Just because we’re not going all the way, doesn’t mean we can’t still have fun.”

Confused, Kate glanced to Niko, to find him wearing a soft yet devious grin.

“What are you talking about?”

Niko pulled away, his eyes roaming Kate’s body. He spoke confidently. “Show me how you like it, Kate. So I won’t get it wrong.”

Gradually it dawned on Kate what Niko meant. Her eyes traveled downward, to the bedsheets tangled around her legs. Her stomach twisted. She’d only ever pleasured herself late at night, usually to relieve stress rather than satisfy an urge. Coming of age in a close-knit household, it was difficult to do such a thing without being caught. The thought of Niko watching her brought something of the same feeling. Would he even find something so mundane to be sexy? But her body was still basking in the heat that Niko’s touch had caused. It would take no time at all to bring her arousal back to the forefront of her attention.

“Okay…” Swallowing her discomfort, Kate threw the covers back on the bed, revealing her bare body. She spread her legs, her eyes staying fixed on Niko as her hand traveled downward. At first it felt odd for Niko to be staring silently at her, but she reminded herself that Niko had been inside her not ten minutes ago. If she could let him in, she could let him watch.

A small smile came to Kate’s face as her forefinger circled her clit. It grew wider when she took in Niko’s reaction. His eyes took on a pleading edge, his jaw setting firmly. Most of all, she noticed that his erection had returned in full force. The sight only heightened Kate’s arousal. _You want a show? I’ll give you a show…_

“ _Oh_ ,” Kate moaned, her hand’s speed increasing. She was surprised at how much _better_ this felt, compared to their attempt at intercourse. Her legs twitched, her toes curling with each touch. Heat radiated from her core and spread throughout her entire body. Closing her eyes, Kate rubbed harder, determined to wring every last ounce of pleasure from herself.

The bed jostled beside Kate, forcing her eyes open. She inclined her head to see Niko deftly remove the condom and begin to stroke his cock. His eyes focused on Kate, driving her wild.

“Oh, my god,” Niko gasped. “Kate…” Seeing him touch himself was comforting, in a sense. Not only because Niko clearly found her actions attractive, but also because it reminded her that she wasn’t alone. Both Kate and Niko had their own ways of turning themselves on, ways that they knew better than anyone else. It made Kate clamor to show off, to prove to Niko that she wasn’t the virginal nun that her brothers all claimed her to be. Boldly, she slid a finger inside herself. Niko’s eyes popped once he realized what she was doing, and satisfaction rippled through Kate. She doubted he’d been expecting that, but from the motion of his hand, she could tell that he was appreciative.

Niko didn’t make much noise as he jerked himself off. Then again, Kate supposed she wasn’t too vocal, either. She’d trained herself to be quiet throughout her teenage years, lest she receive a lecture later. Again she closed her eyes, honing in on Niko’s nearby rapid breathing. To hear him groan softly through gritted teeth sent Kate over the edge. She tried to control herself, but one right move sent her tumbling head over heels through blissful nothingness.

“Oh, god, oh, god, oh— _Niko!_ ” Kate gasped for air as she reached climax. Beside her, she heard Niko groan, and felt the impact as his back hit the bed. Writhing with pleasure, she greedily watched as Niko's cum spilled onto his stomach.

For a long moment they lay there, sweat-covered and disheveled, catching their respective breaths. Slowly, Kate’s hand, still slick with her own juices, crept over to find Niko’s. He caught her eye and aimed for a smile, which she returned.

“Was that a… worthwhile lesson for you, Mr. Niko?” Kate said once she’d found her voice.

“Oh, Kate.” He breathed her name as if it were a prayer, before rolling over to kiss her lips. “You are an exceptional teacher.”

Kate giggled, letting go of Niko’s hand to trail her finger down his bare back. “So are _you.”_

They lay there for a little while longer, soaking up the glow of each other, before Kate finally sat up. Immediately blackness overcame her vision, as if she’d been lying down all night instead of for… _How long? It couldn’t have been more than an hour…_

“Are you going to stay the night?” Niko asked from behind Kate’s back.

Regretfully, Kate shook her head. “I have to work tomorrow. You know that. Besides, if I’m not home by morning, my mother will probably—"

“Don’t worry about it,” Niko interrupted. He sat up and leaned forward. “We’ll tell her you were… studying for an exam.”

“Well, it certainly was a learning experience.” Kate reached out to cup Niko’s chin. “But I can’t stay, Niko. If you, um, let me wash up, I’ll be out the door in a few moments.”

“Okay,” Niko said quietly. Kate has no idea if she’d disappointed him, and the fact unnerved her. _How come he knows me so well, and I hardly know him at all?_ She let go of his face and folded her hands in her lap, glancing down.

“I’m ready to take the final exam,” she admitted. “But not now. Next time, I’ll choose the time and the place.”

“All right,” Niko agreed. He slid his feet over the edge of the bed and rose. “I will call a cab, for your ride home.”

“Niko,” Kate tsked. “I don’t want you to spend all your money on me.”

“I won’t be spending money,” Niko said. “He’s one of Roman’s drivers. Not very pleasant, but he does as he’s told.”

“Oh, all right.” Kate pulled herself out of bed alongside Niko. “Thank you, Niko.” She waited until he had met her eyes, before finally smiling. Niko smiled back.

“I’ll see you later, Kate.”

“See you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The play that Niko & Kate went to see is the GTA universe's version of The Importance of Being Earnest, which I find to be one of those things where I understand HOW it's funny, but I never laughed at it.


	2. Chapter 2

Some said the unexamined life was not a life worth living, and Kate happened to agree wholeheartedly. To that end, upon returning from her date with Niko, she wasted little time before working out her feelings on what had happened. Over the stove in the morning, stirring her oatmeal while she waited for the kettle to boil, Kate delved into what had gone wrong the night before, and how it could be improved.

Well, maybe it hadn’t gone _wrong_ exactly. Her overwhelming reaction to the experience had been positive. But awkwardness had reigned, and Kate thought she knew why. It wasn’t that she hadn’t been ready– it was that she’d been _too_ ready. She’d overthought every little move, to the point where it wasn’t about what she’d get out of the night– it was about not disappointing Niko.

It was funny, upon contemplation, because Niko had been so incredibly patient with Kate. But somehow, that had just made her worry even more. She hadn’t wanted to test his patience to his limits. Or maybe she had, just to see what would happen, because there was no way a man like Niko didn’t have a breaking point. The night had been about the two of them sharing something new, and yet Niko had acted like his own desire was insignificant. Kate felt that she hadn’t deserved his attention. Perhaps they’d both placed too much pressure on themselves.

Why had Niko been so insistent on giving Kate such an experience? Had they decided to sleep together out of desire, or because it was _expected_ of them? Kate mulled over her tangled thoughts as she poured the now-steaming water into her mug. Only Niko could answer the first question. As for the second… She was pretty sure she had an idea of how she felt. She _wanted_ Niko, even more so after last night. His kisses, delicious as they were, couldn’t satisfy the lust fuming in her belly, locked up for so long before Niko had opened her heart. She wanted to spend the night with Niko without having to worry about it being her first time, or whether he was enjoying himself, or what her family would say in the morning. She wanted him in bed the same way she’d wanted to kiss him, all those weeks ago, before finally taking the initiative.

Every time that Kate has gone out with Niko, prior to the pivotal moment that changed her life, she’d come home with the uneasy feeling that Niko didn’t really want to keep seeing her. Not after the various ways she’d publicly embarrassed herself. Eventually self-pity took a backseat, but after undergoing a dramatic personal upheaval– losing two brothers, one to the state jail and one to an assassin, and having thugs attack at the funeral– Kate had lost all control. The next time she and Niko went out, she’d ended up drunk and bawling, feeling as though she’d hit rock bottom and passed straight through the earth. Certainly no one who could have seen her in that state would have wanted her. Kate wouldn’t have wanted herself, so why would Niko feel differently? However, for the first time, Niko hadn’t sat silently, waiting for Kate to work out her own problems. He’d tipped his hand as he embraced her, revealing exactly where his feelings towards her lay. The next time they saw each other, Kate was determined to address the matter. 

Nothing seemed to have changed when Niko picked Kate up on that particular day. His eyes lingered for maybe a fraction of a second too long as he greeted her, but his words were clipped and casual. However, the air in the car tingled with static.

“Where would you like to go?” Niko asked as he turned the key and checked his mirror. A perturbing sense of calm settled across Kate, even though her palms were sweating.

“I was thinking… we should go somewhere that we can talk.”

Niko glanced at Kate, his hands freezing against the steering wheel.

“Why not talk here?”

“I…” Anxiously, Kate glanced toward her front door. It seemed proper to invite Niko in, but what if her mother overheard their conversation? Then again, who was to say her family would be a worse audience than the strangers she and Niko might run into going out?

“Sure, fine,” she breathed, trying to steer the conversation in the direction it needed to go. “Here is better than nothing.”

A nigh-imperceptible smile briefly touched Niko’s lips. “What is it you want to talk about?”

Kate tried not to look away as she gathered her thoughts. On the one hand, she appreciated Niko turning the reins of the conversation over to her. On the other hand, she was surprised that he never seemed to want to talk first. Sometimes it seemed his over-the-top respectfulness was just another way to make up for his brutish after-hours activities. Or maybe she was simply unused to being treated decently.

“Niko… I wanted to thank you, again, for last night,” Kate began. “I was a rotten mess, and I’m not sure what I would have done if you hadn’t been there for me.”

Niko’s eyebrows angled upward, a move which Kate might have found charming had she not been so tightly wound. “Is that all you wanted to say?”

Now Kate’s eyebrows jumped as well _. Getting right to the point, I see_. She swallowed, the sound seeming unusually loud in her ears.

“You know it isn’t. Niko… Niko, I _care_ about you. I care very much about you, and… I wish I’d realized it sooner.”

“Really?” Niko’s voice had dropped to a quiet level. Though his face was placid, she had the feeling that she’d caught him off-guard.

“That doesn’t mean that it’s too late,” she said. “I mean, no matter how stupid I think this is… I’m willing to take a chance on you. Willing to take a chance on the possibility that you can walk away from all this craziness. That there is a real human being under all this hardness.” Though Kate didn’t mean to, she delivered the last statement with a pointedness. The night that Niko had hugged her was the only time she’d caught a glimpse of the good man he’d once been, before the war and before the trauma he’d endured. She hadn’t realized how badly she’d needed him to show that face. Not only did she find it easier to trust him, now that she knew the compassion of which he was capable, but it helped her relate to him. _I guess he isn’t a stone sculpture after all._

“The rational half of me says, _‘Get away! Protect yourself.’_ ” Kate sighed. “But the other half says… _‘He’s good. He can be redeemed.’_ ” She searched Niko’s face for a reaction. He softened before her eyes.

“Well, which half are you going to listen to?” he said simply.

The question was delivered so plainly that Kate nearly burst out laughing. She shook her head, glancing away. “I’m Irish, Niko! We’re a people known for strong whiskey, mystics, and Catholicism. Rational blood doesn’t flow through these veins.”

For half a second, Kate feared that Niko wouldn’t understand her insinuation, but then he unbuckled his seatbelt. He spoke with trepidation, as if he were walking a tightrope, determined not to fall. “You really mean that?”

After having spent a whole week pondering, there was no need for such questions. Kate nodded rapidly. “Of course.”

Niko inhaled sharply. “You won’t regret this, Kate.” Slowly he leaned in. Kate stayed right where she was, more curious than anything about his actions. “I’ll look after you.” Those warm, lovely eyes burned a hole through her. “I’ll take care of you.”

Kate opened her mouth to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. What did she have to say, anyway? She leaned closer to Niko, her hand falling against his as if by accident… and then, just as haphazardly, their lips met. Their mouths stayed closed and their eyes stayed open, relishing the sensation. Enjoying themselves. Not thinking about anyone or anything else.

_And that,_ Kate reflected as she emerged from her memories, _is how it ought to be._ Her first kiss hadn’t been nearly as big a deal as the concept of losing her virginity. In a way, there was really nothing special about it, besides the fact that she’d never done it before. It wasn’t anything momentous or significant. It was the same as every other aspect of her relationship with Niko– new and full of pleasure, something to enjoy with another person for whom Kate cared instead of alone. A vague trace of disappointment stirred inside Kate when she realized that this thing over which she’d become so worked up was hardly worth it. But at least it meant she didn’t have to be worked up anymore.

Recalling the night that she and Niko had gotten together brought back one important detail to the forefront of Kate’s mind. Throughout their entire relationship, even before the romantic undertones had become unavoidable, Niko had always put Kate before himself. The night they’d gotten together had been all about Kate voicing her feelings, without a word from Niko on what he wanted. For so long, Kate had no idea what Niko was getting out of their relationship, and suddenly she felt a burning desire to find out.

_Tomorrow,_ she told herself as she sat down to eat breakfast. _I’ll call tonight, and we’ll go out tomorrow. We deserve a do-over._

***

Throughout Sunday, Kate had only one task in mind– to keep herself busy. In the morning she attended church services with her mother, and afterwards she tidied up the house. She made a list of groceries to pick up, then spent her time reading until Packie arrived, leaving her free to go shopping. Once she returned, a friendly verbal jousting match with Packie held most of her attention while unpacking canned green beans and frozen chicken breasts. By the time Packie tramped off to go watch TV, Kate had nothing to do but sit down and gaze out the window. Try as she might to avoid it, all her thoughts converged on one single point– _Niko._

When Niko arrived, just before 6:00, Kate was still wearing the sweater and jeans that she’d unthinkingly pulled on that morning. Stray wisps of hair escaped her loose ponytail, and as usual, she wore no makeup. Nothing encouraged her to change her appearance. She’d told Niko on the phone the night before that she wasn’t looking to go anywhere fancy, so it was to be hoped that he’d put as little thought into his appearance as she had. What was the good of dressing up, when all that Kate cared to judge a person on was their interior?

The car in which Niko had arrived was the same one he’d been driving the last time they’d gone out. Kate was pleased. _Looks like he really has changed his ways._ She came out to meet him with a huge smile on her face. Behind the steering wheel, Niko’s expression mirrored hers. He greeted her with a kiss, then turned the key in the ignition.

“Where are we going tonight, Kate?”

“Your place,” Kate said, without hesitation. After ruminating for several hours, she’d realized that this was what was best. Dancing and drinking were tantalizing options, but she and Niko had done all that before. If she intended to start an honest conversation with Niko, it had to be in an environment without distractions, where no one could listen in besides exceptionally nosy neighbors.

Niko didn’t betray his emotions on his face, but he seemed slightly bemused when he replied. “Are you sure about that?”

“Of course.” Kate reached over and patted Niko’s arm, smirking. “You think I’d want to stay away from a place as swanky as that?”

Niko laughed, but said nothing, with which Kate was fine. She wasn’t exactly in the mood to talk. _Not until we get to the apartment._ Every trivial distraction had been pushed from her head, so that Kate feared she would unleash the heavy-hitting questions the instant she opened her mouth. Fortunately, Niko was accustomed to comfortable silence. He flipped the radio dial, breezing past several inane talk stations before settling on The Vibe. Jill Scott’s smooth voice filled the car, and Kate relaxed into the leather seat.

Riding the elevator up to Niko’s floor was a lot more comfortable than it had been two nights ago, now that Kate had deliberately lowered her expectations. Even the silence between herself and Niko didn’t bother her. She held Niko’s hand the whole way, up until the moment he let go to fish out his keys and unlock the door.

“Is there anything I can get you?” Niko asked as Kate walked in, just as he had before. She shook her head as she hung up her jacket, determined not to use alcohol as a crutch. “I just want to sit and talk.”

“All right.” Niko gestured playfully to the couch. “Here’s the seat. Let’s talk.” Kate nodded and sat down, waiting for Niko to follow her. It seemed he was also forgoing the alcohol tonight, likely for the same reasons.

Settling onto the couch, Niko wrapped his arm around Kate’s shoulders. She cuddled up close, marveling at how snugly they fit together. For a while they didn’t say anything, luxuriating in each other’s warmth, before Kate finally broke the silence.

“Niko… how do you see me?”

The expected, guarded response came immediately: “What do you mean?” Sighing, Kate swiveled her neck to look Niko in the eye.

“Just tell me, Niko. How do you see me?” She took a deep breath before plunging in. “Why are you _with_ me? I can’t see through your eyes, and I want to understand. This woman you’ve chosen to go out with… Who is she to you? How would you describe her?”

At first Kate thought Niko might humor her, turning her query into one of his deflecting jokes, but she should have known better. While projecting a lighthearted air, Niko pondered the question, not speaking for a solid minute. As Kate watched him, she saw his eyes sparking and darting from point to point– not in a nervous manner, but in a way that suggested he was thinking hard, conjuring up images as real to him as the couch they were sitting on. When he finally spoke, he faltered a few times, as if he were struggling to find the right words in English.

“When I first saw you in your family’s living room… it did not occur to me that I would ever have the chance to sit beside you and say these things. You were hard for me to reach, even when we began seeing each other. And yet, though I feared getting involved, I wanted you all the more. Never would I have imagined being with a person like you. Sometimes, I still do not think I deserve it.”

“But what about now?” Kate pressed. “What do you think of me _now?”_

Unlike any other person, Niko didn’t scold Kate for her whining. He took her hand, laying it gently over her thigh. “You’re one of the good ones, Kate. Out of everyone I’ve met in Liberty City, you are the only one who dared to challenge what I believe in, who made me see that there is another way. Because of you, I have become a new man. A better man.”

The words crawled under Kate’s skin and nested there. She took a moment to determine how she felt about them. The Kate of several months prior might have applauded Niko’s statement, or beamed with pride at the thought that his change of heart was her doing. But now that Kate had gotten to know Niko’s ins and outs, she wasn’t sure how she felt about his idealization. Who was she to change anybody’s life, even if it was for the better? She wasn’t a prop to be used, and she had no idea how to tell if Niko saw her as anything more.

“I’m more than that,” Kate said. She stared deeper into Niko’s eyes, overly conscious of the warmth of his hand against her thigh. “I’m a _person,_ Niko. I want you to see me.”

The way Niko was looking at her was overwhelming. Even though they’d gotten far more intimate several nights ago, Kate felt dizzy just from staring into his golden-brown eyes, close enough to count the stubble gracing his chin and trace the deep circles under his eyes. She nearly forgot to breathe, so enraptured was she with Niko.

“I see you,” Niko whispered, a slight quiver in his voice. Slowly he reached up, cupping Kate’s face in his hand. Electricity shot through Kate as his palm connected with her cheek.

“I see you, Kate McReary.” He sounded as overwhelmed as Kate felt.

A relieving sense of letting go rippled through Kate. There never would be any way to know for sure, would there be? As with believing in God and presenting one’s body to her partner, this was just another matter on which Kate would have to use blind faith to rely. It would have to be enough.

“How do you see me?” Niko murmured, startling Kate. His grip relaxed, but his fingers were still curled protectively around her face. There was nowhere else for Kate to look while she formulated her response. Again, the haughty Kate McReary who’d first met Niko as one of her brothers’ faceless goons wouldn’t have claimed him as anything more than a violent idiot. But now Kate knew that Niko was more than that. She knew she would never understand the shades of darkness in his heart, nor would she ever fathom the circumstances that had made him that way. And maybe she would never find a way to trust him completely, not after hearing him haggardly recount his war stories, or seeing the way he’d decimated the men who attacked her brother’s funeral. But… maybe that was okay. Those things would always be a part of Niko, and Kate couldn't just pick and choose which parts of him to accept. Just like Niko couldn't just envision her as an angel, without acknowledging the many ways she'd managed to screw up in the past.

“You’re the first man I’ve had the courage to open myself up to,” Kate said finally. “I… I can’t say that you’ll be the last. But…” She bit the inside of her cheek, giving in to what she’d been afraid to admit. “I think I want you to be.”

The mutual staring lasted only a second longer, before Niko leaned in. Their kiss was strong and heady, not as desperate as the lust-fueled kisses from several nights ago but not as frustrating as their chaste exchanges at the end of each date. It felt like a precursor to a storm, and Kate was eager for more.

“Look at us,” Kate sighed as she pulled apart. “No wonder we make a perfect pair. We’re both trying to make each other more than we are.”

Letting go of Kate’s hand, Niko shook his head and chuckled breathily.

“What’s so funny?”

“In all my years, I have _never_ talked this much before sleeping with someone,” Niko stated. “In fact, I do not think I’ve talked this much with anyone since I came to America.”

“Come on.” Kate nudged Niko’s shoulder. “Not even Roman?”

“Roman talks enough for the both of us,” Niko remarked.

A blush painted Kate’s cheeks. “I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’m doing this right.”

“There is no right way to do anything,” Niko declared. “There is only how you feel about it.” His eyes were smoldering, and Kate felt herself getting lightheaded again.

“Oh, is there now?” she said in a poorly teasing voice.

“Yes.” Niko clasped both of Kate’s hands in his, pulling them into his lap. “How do you feel, Miss Kate?”

“I feel…” Suddenly Kate was smiling, an unexpected sense of elation running through her. She leaned in, freeing one hand to run her fingers through Niko’s close-cropped hair. “Good.”

Unbelievably, Niko was smiling too. “Good.” He bridged the gap between their lips, pulling Kate close and cradling her head. Emboldened, Kate threw one leg around Niko’s, her hands landing on his torso. Now _this_ was how it should have felt the other night. _This_ was the right time.

Slowly, Niko’s right hand traveled down from Kate’s face, his finger trailing against the side of her neck and down her ribcage. He gently squeezed her breast, rubbing his thumb across her nipple. Only thin fabric separated them. Kate sighed, breaking off the kiss and resting her forehead against his. “Yes, Niko…” It was simultaneously natural and shocking to express her pleasure, given that she’d never been able to before, but after what had happened two nights ago it felt like a familiar routine. From half-lidded eyes, she saw that the joy hadn’t left Niko’s face. He began to press kisses along her neck, following the same path that his finger had trailed. Kate found herself astonished at how much easier this was, now that the pressure of “her first time” had been lifted from her shoulders. Her hands crept beneath Niko’s sweatshirt, then slid under the T-shirt below.

Though the process of undressing began on the couch, it didn’t end until Niko had taken Kate’s hand, pulled her to her feet, and led her to the bedroom. By that point they had stripped down, Kate in her bra and panties and Niko in his boxer shorts. When Niko pressed Kate onto the bed, she wanted nothing more than to keep kissing him, to feel his solid weight above her. The more he tempted her, the more she wanted to give to him.

Niko’s hands drifted across Kate’s body, his fingertips slipping beneath the waistband of her panties. Kate shuddered as he began to stroke her clit, tracing lazy circles just as she had showed him two nights ago. “Oh…” It felt so strange to let him take control, instead of relying on her own knowledge of to which kind of touch she was most responsive. But at the same time, Niko’s touch was thrilling. She felt like she was putting Niko to the test. What did he remember? Had his lesson been sufficient?

“Right there, Niko! Oh, don’t _stop…”_

Niko obeyed, switching his rhythm to a gentle, reliable stroke. He wasn’t going fast enough for Kate’s liking, though. Eagerly she pushed herself up and removed her bra, hoping to give Niko motivation. His eyes grew huge in the dim light, and he inclined his head to press a kiss to each breast.

“Faster,” Kate whispered, and Niko complied. She clenched her toes, shaking at the merest touch. Clearly she’d gotten it all wrong. Niko wasn’t the one in charge– he simply awaited her every word. Growing dizzy at the thought, Kate clutched at the sheets in order not to completely fly away. She panted, sweat rising on her body as she gazed into Niko’s loving eyes.

“Inside.” The word came out half-croaked in a husky voice, but Niko seemed to recognize the power of the demand. When his fingers parted Kate’s pussy, it wasn’t a matter of responding to her– it was out of his own desire. Another intense shudder went through Kate as Niko slid a finger inside her. She pushed down her wet panties as Niko copied the motion she’d performed for him two nights ago. In, out. In, out. It felt different when he did it, and was somehow less satisfying, but Kate enjoyed it all the same.

“Another,” she gasped, and Niko complied, a second finger joining his first inside Kate. As Kate writhed, Niko’s mouth fell halfway open, and a low utterance escaped him, too quiet for Kate to discern. However, just hearing his voice sent an overwhelming flood of heat rushing through Kate’s body. If Niko kept going at this pace, she was going to come any second now. Though it pained her, Kate managed to reach out and grab Niko’s wrist, halting his motion.

“N- Niko…” She sat up, catching her breath, as Niko moved away from her.

“What is it, Kate?” The look on his face made Kate want to break into triumphant laughter. She’d seen Niko regard her lustfully, but now he appeared vexed, as if she’d laid a slice of cake before him and told him not to eat it. _Well, he’ll get his fill in a moment._

“I want you.” Kate swallowed, forcing past any lingering shyness. “I want you inside me, right now.”

To see the excitement on Niko’s face was nearly as rewarding as the fulfillment of Kate’s request. He got up from the bed immediately and went across the room to put on a condom, before returning, entirely nude, to Kate’s side.

“Are you ready?” Niko asked as he hovered over Kate, his chest mere inches from hers and his eyes glued to her face.

“Yes.” Kate tilted her head up to give Niko a breathless kiss. “Yes, yes, yes…”

The penetration was still an uncomfortable sensation, but it wasn’t anywhere near on the level that it had been several nights ago. Even so, Niko went still as soon as Kate grimaced. “Am I hurting you?”

“Please, Niko.” Kate raised her trembling hands to cup the back of Niko’s neck. “Keep going…”

She cried out as Niko thrust deeper into her, her grip on the back of his neck growing tight. This was _nothing_ like the various times she’d penetrated herself, with only her desperate fingers for company. This wasn’t even like what Niko had done to her only a few minutes before. This was… Kate hesitated to say better. It would take some getting used to. But who was she to catalogue the way she felt? _Just relax and enjoy the moment. Get out of your fucking head._

It didn’t take long to settle into a slow, steady rhythm. Though Kate’s moans grew involuntarily louder, Niko remained quiet. Reluctant as she was to let go of his neck, for fear that any wrong move would spoil the moment, Kate slid her hand down to massage Niko’s cheek. “Niko… Niko, I want to hear you…”

“Ah, Kate,” Niko groaned, in between bestowing several kisses on her forehead and cheeks. “Kate, you are so— _ugh!”_ His shocking lack of inhibition set Kate on fire. _Talk about going from 0 to 100._ “Yes, Niko! Yes…”

Kate wasn’t sure how long it was supposed to last– it wasn’t like she was constantly glancing at the clock. Still, it seemed like several minutes had passed before Niko gave a full-body shudder, twitching in her grasp like a wriggling fish. His words, broken as they were before, now became even more scattered.

“Kate, I’m c— I— I— ah...” With a single wordless groan, Niko unraveled, as though his limbs had turned to rubber. He had enough of a grip on himself not to collapse on top of Kate, but from the look on his face, Kate knew that he was far gone. Feeling him inside her as he came was like nothing she could have expected. She lay still, her chest heaving, as Niko tiredly kissed her, before pulling out of her and sitting up.

“I am sorry,” he muttered, before Kate could say anything. “This is… this is _your_ night.”

“Don’t be… stupid,” Kate gasped, sitting up too and pressing her back to the headboard. “I enjoyed it!” Up until now, she’d feared that failing to have an orgasm during sex would mean that something was wrong with her body. But now her head was reeling so badly that she couldn’t find it in her to fret. Besides, she certainly knew other ways to get off.

Niko gave Kate a strange look. “Are you sure?”

“Sure.” Leaning forward, Kate reached out to grab Niko’s hand. She guided it back towards her, between her legs. “Just touch me, right… here…”

Though Niko looked exhausted from his orgasm, he still pressed his hand to where Kate had shown him and began to rub her clit again. Switching from one form of stimulation to another made the room spin around Kate. She let herself sink against the bedcovers, her legs shaking as Niko touched her. “Harder, Niko! Har— I— ahh—”

“Oh, Kate.” A touch of reverence infused Niko’s voice. “God, Kate, you are so beautiful. Your eyes… your lips… god, if I only…” His mumblings suddenly switched to a language with which Kate was not familiar, which excited her further. She'd never heard him use his native tongue before.

“NIKO!” Kate didn’t even have time to warn Niko before her vision went blurry and her fists uncurled. She flopped limply to the mattress, her head full of stars. She was floating on a cloud, somewhere high above the Earth, and Niko was there too and together, the two of them would fly away and start a new life somewhere, in a place where nobody could find them…

When Kate returned to herself, she was startled to find tears on her cheeks. Niko cradled her, scooping her up against his chest. The reliable rhythm of his heart settled the frantic racing of Kate’s pulse.

“Are you all right?” The gentleness in Niko’s voice made Kate think that he knew she was all right, but wanted to make sure. She sobbed, unable to put into words what she’d just experienced. How could she begin to describe the feeling surging through her, or the way she felt about Niko, without admitting…

Well, the physical barrier had already been broken between them. It was time Kate break down the mental barrier too. Kate pressed her face into Niko’s shoulder and mumbled four words that she half-hoped he wouldn’t understand. “I love you, Niko.”

She didn’t expect Niko to react immediately, but when a minute of silence had passed, alarm surged through Kate’s stomach. She lifted her head to blink watery eyes at Niko. He sat as still as a rock, sending another twinge through Kate. _Oh, god, I ruined it… I knew I shouldn’t have said it, but I ruined it…_

“Niko, I’m so sorry,” Kate blurted. She felt herself beginning to shake, but for an entirely different reason than she had before. “If this is… too much for you… I don’t know where that came from, honest, I just…”

“Kate.” Gently Niko pressed a finger to Kate’s lips. It was only then that Kate noticed the expression on his face. His eyes had adopted a peacefulness, the likes of which she’d never seen.

“I am not one to say things lightly.” Niko took a deep breath. “I did not want to hurt you or scare you off. But now, I see that you have said these things for me.”

Frowning, Kate pushed Niko’s hand away. “Which means…?”

“Yes, Kate.” Softness filled Niko’s eyes, and Kate wondered how she could have ever thought of this man as cold. "I love you, too."

The kiss that ensued could have melted even the stoniest of hearts, though Kate understood now that Niko had never possessed one.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't believe Kate and Niko's relationship would have ever lasted, even if both Kate and Roman survived the story, so I like to think this is just a snapshot of a happier time before an inevitable breakup. I do love their complex relationship, though.


End file.
